Happily Smiling Wallowing in Ignorance

It took only a few moments, a drop in the bucket of life for me to fall in love with his smile. It took a little longer to fall in love with the imperfect man he is and the imperfect man he strives to be. I recall telling him, more like professing to him my love, intentions and feelings using statements like: 'I am ready to jump with my eyes wide shut'. I knew I was ready before Alica Keys put music to the statement. But, alas, love is dangerous, frightening, enlightening, beautiful and overall the one thing I crave. I crave the good of it as well as the bad. I want to black of love, the white of it and the grey bits.

I felt love with this beautiful black man, like I have never felt before. I want to be my best self to make him proud, willing to do almost anything to see that smile of his. I want him to want me to love him, for him to embrace this connection without reservations, without the self-imposed and maintained walls of protection.

To honestly tell someone how you feel about them takes guts, commitment and strength and I have proven to myself that I am capable of being the person in love that I need to be for myself. And now, as I lay alone in my bed, thinking, wondering, wishing that someone would have the same or similar feelings towards me, I have faith that the perfect situation for me will present itself and when if does I will be ready. Ready to enjoy the surprises, glances, the uptempo beat of my heart and the million dollar smile I'm sure he will have. Because if you can love once without reservations, you can do it again. And I will do it again and it will be the stuff that songs are written about.