The Re-Introduction of Love

It was all good just a year ago; or was it really? In some ways my life was much simpler. I operated within an emotionless bubble, fending off all calamities of the heart. Protected by my bubble, which was reinforced with a tough exterior to block against pain, tears and heartache I was able to 'do me'. Engaging many men in this false world, I was always present enough to present myself as a woman capable of love, tenderness and emotional availability, but in reality, I was the opposite. I failed to let men in, maintaining my bubble, my protection from love, which had a connotation of pain.

I watched one particular relationship spark, ignite and eventually implode simply because I refused to let go of what I perceived as my protection. What I discovered however was that the entire time, my false sense of protection or security was a tangled web of control and fear. This discovery was painful in itself because it further highlighted my insecurities, immaturity and the level of selfishness that I operated on.

Through this discovery, I learned a great lesson. I learned that I was actually committing a crime against myself and others; I was not allowing myself the opportunity of really embracing the human experience. The human experience includes change, pain, challenges, etc., and it makes us into the people that we need to be to survive. I learned that without emotions and love, by relinquishing control and being considerate to others feelings, I would be fulfilled.

Everyday is a challenge, however now, I embrace it, and I look forward to being a partner in life and love.